And in this corner...

Do you ever feel like you are in a wrestling match with God? That a decision needs to be made, and you need to figure out whether it is a yes or a no? When we wrestle with a decion with God, do we really wrestle with yes or no, or are we really wrestling with understanding the call?

Mark 1:17-18 And Jesus said to them, "Follow me, and I will make you become fishers of men." And immediately they left their nets and followed him.

For the last couple of weeks, I thought that God was speaking to my heart about what Jesus said to those first disciples. That the key word in this passage was 'become.' That the call on our lives by Christ is not an overnight switch that is flipped. That it is a journey, that He makes us BECOME fishers of men when He chooses us first. That it will take our whole lives, every messy, dirty, sinful, and childish part of our lives being transformed over time.

But now, God is showing me that this understanding is important, and true, but that is not what He is still speaking into my life. That the thing that my heart struggles with the most right now is not the desire for instant gratification, to instantly be on track for Goe and doing His work in the lives of others, but that His first great work is in my own life.

Verse 18 says they IMMEDIATELY left their nets and followed Him. That these men, who were fishermen & probably with a lucrative business, woukd instant know the truth that was spoke so simply and plainly here, and to feel the eternal calling of that truth and instantly act upon it.

My heart is never that easily softened. After knowing Christ for over 15 years, my heart is still hard towards Him. Like Paul said, "among sinners, I am the chief sinner." I always have to struggle, fight or wrestle with the big truths that God is calling me to in my life. That my life is one big WWF wrestling match and my heart believes that it can win against God. If that statement were not true, I would never need to wrestle with anything, I would know that God is all powerful and loving and that He would never ask me to do anything He was not 100% in control of. But my heart doubts, and so I wrestle.

As you read this, my heart is wrestling with a decision. One that I believe God began speaking to me months ago, and one that I have ignored. So again I come to this question: Am I struggling with whether the answer is 'yes or no' or is the really struggle with understanding that I am called?

Psalm 46:10a Be still and know that I am God...


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